“When the storm has passed put your energy into rebuilding your life, don’t waste time looking back” – Leon Brown  

Have you been feeling like you have had enough of everything?

The resentment, the sadness, the not being good enough, the hopelessness.

Are you tired of obsessing, overanalyzing, desperately seeking other people’s approval, worrying if people will like you?

Consider this. Every day is a chance to change your life. All you have to do is decide that you are going to do it.

So what do you say? Still on the fence?

Let me first address the gremlins in your head.

A) It’s Going to Be Hard

This is true. It is not going to be easy. It’s going to take some time and it will be hard at first.

“Growth is painful, change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.’ – Mandy Hale

Yes, along your journey it can be hard and it can get messy but like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, you’ll come out transformed with strikingly beautiful wings ready to fly.   This is far better than doing nothing and staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong non?

B) I’m Too Old

As far as I am concerned, unless you are on your death bed if you still have something you want to do, change or make amend in your life you are not too old to get started.   Bronnie Ware who was a nurse working in palliative care shared with us the common regrets of the dying. The five most common regrets are:

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

So if you feel like you are going to regret not doing something later, start by saying yes to yourself.   Then take the next step. Don’t wait until it is too late. Wouldn’t you rather know that you tried rather than not having done anything?

C) Others are Going to Think I Am ________.

Listen, if you consistently worry about what others think of you now, then you’ve got nothing to worry about when you are rebuilding your life showing up being authentically you.

Why?  First you are already worrying, so nothing has changed there.

Secondly, it will help weed out the people in your life that can’t get onboard with appreciating you for who you are. This means going forward you won’t have to be someone you are not because those who stick by you will love you for you.

D) I Don’t Know Where to Start

Well, you are in luck!

 

Below I share with you 9 things you can do to begin to rebuild your life.

Journaling

 

1. Declare and Commit to Yourself

Start by declaring your commitment. Write it out.   I (insert name), declare and make a commitment to myself to rebuild my life.   Forgive yourself for the things you have done that hold you back from living your truth.   Starting today, I will forgive myself for:

  • being hard on myself
  • not letting my voice out sooner
  • trying to live up to societal and others’ expectations
  • undermining my own abilities

(What do you forgive yourself for? Insert ______________________________)   Recognize the things you have done and will be doing.   I am proud of myself for:

  • taking little steps to work towards rebuilding my life
  • taking risks out of my comfort zone to break away from the expectations
  • following my heart even though it is scary
  • finding the strength to speak my mind and think about limitless possibilities

(What are you proud of yourself for? Insert _____________________________)   State your commitment to yourself.   I am committed to:

  • letting go of what is behind me
  • being kind and loving myself unconditionally
  • owning who I am and what I am
  • not betraying myself so I can please others

(What are you committed to yourself? Insert _____________________________)   Sign your declaration! This makes it official.  🙂

Congratulations, you have completed the first step!

You have declared your intention. Forgave yourself and others – letting go of your attachment to your stories and the past. Recognized your inner strengths and the choices you have made that have empowered you in some way. And stated your commitment to rebuilding your life.

2. Create a Vision

 Ask yourself what do you want to create in life? Let your imagination soar. Similar to creating a bucket list, think about these three questions that Vishen Lakhiani, founder and CEO of Mindvalley believes are the most important questions in life.

  1. What do I want to experience out of life?
  2. How do I want to grow?
  3. How do I want to contribute?

Once you have identified it, envision it. Visualize it. See in your mind’s eye the life you want to experience, how you want to grow and live the life that you are proud of. Feel what it would feel like as if you have accomplished and have lived a fulfilling and satisfying life.  

Flowers

3. Create a Happiness Routine

You can’t just imagine and visualize all day. You need to create a routine that brings you bliss to create momentum and familiarity to trust yourself to fill your cup first.

So begin by making a list of things you enjoying doing to take care of your mind, body and soul.

It could be having a cup of tea in the morning, going for a walk, listening to motivational podcast. Whatever it is, make a list and choose three things you can do every day that will fuel your soul. This is a part of building the routine to loving and being good to yourself.

When you do, you nurture your spirit.

This enables you to take inspired action to continue to fill your days and yourself up with doing things that excite you to steer you in the direction you want to go.   Be patient.  Take each day in stride because success and change does not happen overnight.  It takes consistent effort to mastering a habit that gets you closer to achieving what you want.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Make Mistakes

Mistakes are a part of life so give yourself the permission to do so. We don’t always get it right. But with every ‘mistake’ there is a lesson to be learned. And it is through these lessons that have contributed and enabled us to grow into the person we have become.

5. Surround Yourself with Positive People

Align yourself with people who are positive and supportive in your new way of life. Remove the people who put you down, drain you and are not adding value to your life. As Tony Robbins said, “Who you spend time with is who you become.”  

6. Cultivate Your Inner Awareness

Learn to notice your body cues. If you notice yourself feeling down, engaging in negative self-talk or not feeling well.   Pause.   Make time to reflect on what’s going on in your life. Listen to these signals to help redirect your thoughts and actions and focus on things that will make you feel better again.

Cartwheel

8. Stop apologizing for being you

We often unconsciously put a label on ourselves before letting someone decide for themselves, how they want to see us.

For example, the other day someone was showing me a piece of art they have painted. I thought it was beautiful. Before I even had the chance to tell them what I thought, the artist began to criticize his own work. Going on to say he is not imaginative and creative enough.  I had to interrupt him and say are you out of your mind? I think it is fantastic.

So next time when you catch yourself in conversation labeling yourself, STOP.

Let others decide for themselves what and how they want to think about you.   Stop calling yourself names and apologizing for these parts of you that come out. It’s not all of who you are.  These parts of us all have a function to play in our life and we all have it.

In the Disney Pixar movie, Inside Out, it showcased this brilliantly by personifying our emotions to demonstrate how it plays a role in our life. In the movie, Joy realizes the importance of the role of Sadness. It’s function is to generate compassion and alert others that we need help when we are feeling down and out of sort.   Give yourself the permission to be authentic.

9. Let Go of Living Out Other People’s Expectations & Start Living Out Your Own

This one hits close to home for me.

Growing up I lived my life according to what my parents thought was best for me, what my friends thought would be cool, what society thought was right.

As I ignored my inner desires and focused on pleasing others this only led me to forget who I was and down the road of unhappiness. Luckily my parents recognized my happiness meant more to them than for me to live out the expectations they had set out for me. 

However, looking back I realize I didn’t need their permission. I could give myself the permission to start living out my life on my own terms. As Brendon Burchard said:  “ You do not need permission or cheerleaders to change and start becoming more of who you really are.” 

So decide for yourself.

You have ONE life.

How will you live it and own it? Where are you going to focus your energy?   Reliving your past, or Building your new story?

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Photo By: Cathryn LaveryKien DoMarion Michele